Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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