so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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