Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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