just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
