sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
