Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
