Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you win again, gameday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
