there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
