i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
