seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
