i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
