Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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