Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
