Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
