She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
