Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
