she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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