So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize