she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm like, not good at living.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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