They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last time i carry you out of a forest
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
