dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
