U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
