What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
