Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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