Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
