I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
