so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
