there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
