i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize