Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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