It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
