I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
