I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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