Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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