New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you win again, gameday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
