"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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