How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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