it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
