When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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