Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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