I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
