I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
