READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
