I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
