Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
