it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
