I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
