a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
