I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
