Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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