you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
