i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
