i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
