Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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