I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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