like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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