just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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