once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
