i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
