My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
