Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
