Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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