Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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