Will you blow on my dice?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
