So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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