So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your penis caused this!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
