why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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