Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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