i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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