Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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