maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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