She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize