I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Couch. On fire.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
