u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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