Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
