I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize