@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
