I cannot find my penis.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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