is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
