I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
