i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
